The tiger mom syndrome—what’s healthy for your child
Perhaps you’ve heard the term “tiger mom,” or perhaps you haven’t. Tiger mom is a phrase used to describe the way some Asian mothers raise their children. It came to life when self-described Tiger Mom, Amy Chua, a Yale law professor, released her best-selling book earlier this year entitled Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.
The book gives Chua’s account of raising her children “the Chinese way,” but many were indignant about her parenting methods and found them unbearable.
An excerpt in the Wall Street Journal entitled Why Chinese Mothers are Superior has been read more than one million times and has received more than 7,000 comments, most not so favorable of the article.
Time Magazine recently featured Chua’s book and discussed various accounts, one of how she made her 7-year-old daughter practice the violin for hours on end, right through dinner with no restroom breaks, until she learned to play the piece perfectly. Another, when Chua’s daughter, Lulu, made a birthday card for her mother, Chua took one look at the card and said, “I don’t want this,” adding that she expected to receive a drawing that Lulu had “put some thought and effort into.” Throwing the card back at her daughter, she told her, “I deserve better than this. So I reject this.”
Believe it or not, Chua’s way of raising her daughters is not so strange among the Asian culture. Chua believes that American children are undisciplined and spend too much time on computers, games and so forth and are ill prepared for adulthood. Her own children were never allowed to receive a grade below an “A” in school, could never watch TV or even attend sleepovers. All their time was accounted for and was spent studying or working on piano, violin or some other valuable non-sport extracurricular.
Chua’s book has sparked a lot of debate to say the least. Should kids be pushed? Do they have limits? Is down time a waste? Matt Johnson, local principal of Hiland High School and Middle School, understands how hectic an adolescent’s life can become with the stress of school, friends, fitting in, meeting expectations and so on. He said at times the stress can be overwhelming, but normal teen stress can be a good learning experience for the future.
“I know that the lives of high school students can be quite hectic for some,” Johnson shared. “We have many students who must concentrate on their academics while being involved in church activities, sporting activities, drama, music, 4-H, etc. At times the stress associated with this involvement, and the desire to excel, can get very overwhelming. I believe that this circumstance is a good learning opportunity for young people. When high school students transition into college, the workforce, and into adult responsibilities, they will need the lessons learned regarding stress to balance their adult lives.”
When it comes to providing a child with encouragement and support, Johnson thinks the parent is the key role. There are different ways to provide support to a child. For instance, Chua and her tiger mom friends believe they are giving their children the best support of all, teaching them that constant hard work is the only way to achieve in life. Every parent offers encouragement in a different manner.
“Parents play the most vital role in providing love, guidance, encouragement, and support that helps their child learn the important life lessons.”
Johnson also thinks that schools have a responsibility as well to help prepare students for the challenges of excelling in college and life.
“I believe that Hiland does an excellent job of preparing students for the next transition in their lives, whether that is college or the workforce,” Johnson said. “I do believe that students are faced with many additional challenges once they graduate and leave high school. One great challenge, after high school graduation, is having the self discipline to understand that with greater freedom comes greater responsibilities. Our area high schools provide a great deal of support and guidance for students. Once they graduate they have greater freedom and choice. Their success will depend on the decisions they make.”
Parenting includes many different methods. Some parents are very strict, others are laid-back, some demand perfection, others are happy with average. While there may be no clear-cut way that works best, a combination of work, fun and love are important ingredients in getting kids to adulthood successfully.
“As students transition from high school to the next stages of their lives, their parents need to continue to provide love, guidance, encouragement, and support, with the realization that their child is now an adult and hopefully is making sound decisions based on the lessons that have been learned,” Johnson added.
As for the tiger moms of our time, they are raising their children using the culture and standards they were raised with. There are probably pros and cons, but, like all parents, they love their children and want the best for them. They just may go about it a little differently.
The book gives Chua’s account of raising her children “the Chinese way,” but many were indignant about her parenting methods and found them unbearable.
An excerpt in the Wall Street Journal entitled Why Chinese Mothers are Superior has been read more than one million times and has received more than 7,000 comments, most not so favorable of the article.
Time Magazine recently featured Chua’s book and discussed various accounts, one of how she made her 7-year-old daughter practice the violin for hours on end, right through dinner with no restroom breaks, until she learned to play the piece perfectly. Another, when Chua’s daughter, Lulu, made a birthday card for her mother, Chua took one look at the card and said, “I don’t want this,” adding that she expected to receive a drawing that Lulu had “put some thought and effort into.” Throwing the card back at her daughter, she told her, “I deserve better than this. So I reject this.”
Believe it or not, Chua’s way of raising her daughters is not so strange among the Asian culture. Chua believes that American children are undisciplined and spend too much time on computers, games and so forth and are ill prepared for adulthood. Her own children were never allowed to receive a grade below an “A” in school, could never watch TV or even attend sleepovers. All their time was accounted for and was spent studying or working on piano, violin or some other valuable non-sport extracurricular.
Chua’s book has sparked a lot of debate to say the least. Should kids be pushed? Do they have limits? Is down time a waste? Matt Johnson, local principal of Hiland High School and Middle School, understands how hectic an adolescent’s life can become with the stress of school, friends, fitting in, meeting expectations and so on. He said at times the stress can be overwhelming, but normal teen stress can be a good learning experience for the future.
“I know that the lives of high school students can be quite hectic for some,” Johnson shared. “We have many students who must concentrate on their academics while being involved in church activities, sporting activities, drama, music, 4-H, etc. At times the stress associated with this involvement, and the desire to excel, can get very overwhelming. I believe that this circumstance is a good learning opportunity for young people. When high school students transition into college, the workforce, and into adult responsibilities, they will need the lessons learned regarding stress to balance their adult lives.”
When it comes to providing a child with encouragement and support, Johnson thinks the parent is the key role. There are different ways to provide support to a child. For instance, Chua and her tiger mom friends believe they are giving their children the best support of all, teaching them that constant hard work is the only way to achieve in life. Every parent offers encouragement in a different manner.
“Parents play the most vital role in providing love, guidance, encouragement, and support that helps their child learn the important life lessons.”
Johnson also thinks that schools have a responsibility as well to help prepare students for the challenges of excelling in college and life.
“I believe that Hiland does an excellent job of preparing students for the next transition in their lives, whether that is college or the workforce,” Johnson said. “I do believe that students are faced with many additional challenges once they graduate and leave high school. One great challenge, after high school graduation, is having the self discipline to understand that with greater freedom comes greater responsibilities. Our area high schools provide a great deal of support and guidance for students. Once they graduate they have greater freedom and choice. Their success will depend on the decisions they make.”
Parenting includes many different methods. Some parents are very strict, others are laid-back, some demand perfection, others are happy with average. While there may be no clear-cut way that works best, a combination of work, fun and love are important ingredients in getting kids to adulthood successfully.
“As students transition from high school to the next stages of their lives, their parents need to continue to provide love, guidance, encouragement, and support, with the realization that their child is now an adult and hopefully is making sound decisions based on the lessons that have been learned,” Johnson added.
As for the tiger moms of our time, they are raising their children using the culture and standards they were raised with. There are probably pros and cons, but, like all parents, they love their children and want the best for them. They just may go about it a little differently.
Published: March 6, 2011
